i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
