she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
