I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
How external is "for external use only"?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
