If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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