I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
