Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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