Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
