ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
