what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
