I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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