I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
