Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
After tacos, we're chasing women.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
