I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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