i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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