The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
