I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
