Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
