Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
