Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
