So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
