i can't believe i had my finger in that
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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