DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
