some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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