This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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