Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
