I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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