nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
