took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
