there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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