is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
