Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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