new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
