Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
