I hate your face
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
