Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
