there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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