He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
