Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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