Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
