that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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