Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I did not marry a roomba.
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