halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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