she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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