Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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