Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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