We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Randomize
