my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
