If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
