2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
