in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
